Yesterday Night Drawing

Emptying my mind

Needed to empty my mind.
Result:
A new drawing!

New Motto

''Don't Manage - Lead Change Before You Have To.''
             -Jack Welch

Dance meditation

I've been saying for a while that I want to try meditation.
Some of my friends meditate.
However, as much as I said I wanted to try their technique...I've never been really compelled by it.

I'm an overthinker. I feel that trying to shut down my mind talking to me the first times will require a great amount of work. I don't mind the work, but I don't feel like it is what I really need.

So I never tried any of their methods.

This morning, while reading some unrelated blogs, I discovered a technique called Dance meditation.
Basically, you dance to meditate.

I love dance. Dance is basically my whole life.
I often dance. Like almost everyday.
I'm always choreographing stuff, etc.
I quit dance ages ago, but I've been missing it so much.

So I started looking online for few examples, few techniques, etc..

And this is now what I want to try.

Juste Une P'tite Nuite

J'sais ben qu't'étais, pas faite pour moé
Mais j'm'ennuie pareil, as-tu compris?
J'm'ennuie d'tes cuisses, j'm'ennuie d'tes seins
J'm'ennuie d'tes yeux, t'ennuies-tu des miens?

 J'sais ben, j'sais ben, dis-moé le pu
J'était pas fait pour toé non plus
T'es faite comme un ordinateur
Sorry no compute, que c'est que j'fais astheure?

Câlisse reste donc, juste une p'tite nuite
Pis on va s'aimer, jusqu'au matin
T'es t'obligée d'partir, j'sais ben
Mais t'es pas obligée d'partir tout'e suite!

Success is an Iceberg

seen this on Facebook, loved it!

Why I Am Not Nice and Sweet.

''You are nice and sweet, but I have to be honest...''

I hate being nice and sweet.
I know I try to be nice and sweet as much as I can be.
For strangers, for friends, for everybody.
But please. We have been together for a certain time.
Don't use nice and sweet to describe me.

Maybe you missed what I truly am?

I am an educated woman.
I am an artistic woman.
I am hard-working, but sometimes (okay, often) lazy woman.
I am shy, but yet I talk A LOT.
So, I am a talkative woman.
I am a sensitive woman.
I am a strong woman.
I am a dreaming woman.
I am an overthinking woman.

I could go on.

I don't know if it is because I have now examined all this in all its angle (trust me, I will manage to find many more angles), but this sentence...I really don't like it. Makes me feel like all that you perceived from me is contained in those two words. Nice and Sweet.

I could have been a bitch, would you have stayed with me?

''You are a bitch, but I have to be honest...''



ps: this blog entry applies not only to my recent break-up but also to other break ups I had in the past. I am a woman tired of being told that ''She is nice and sweet, but...''

Like Rats Leaving a Sinking Ship

So we are over.
Girlfriend (or should I say ex-girlfriend) texted me this morning to say ''You're really sweet and nice, but I don't want a Relationship, I'm too busy, I wanna see other people, etc..'' Well not in these words, but you get it. Typical breakup thing.

Where could I begin commenting on that....?

Recently, we had a few disagreements. I did a few wrong steps, I acknowledge. I wanted to see her, discuss, see where we see eye to eye and where we are not on the same page, so that we can work on that. I'm not a quitter, a bailer, or whatever. I do mistakes, acknowledge them, and try to repair them or at least not to redo them.

But.. it didn't work like that. I didn't get to sit down with her. And after a few days without talking, well... she decided that she couldn't do it. And broke up.

Few weeks ago, I wanted to write a blog entry called ''Like Rats Leaving A Sinking Ship''. Because she asked me to take a job in her area, etc. And it made me feel like I was letting down my parents. My parents who have some difficulties right now.

And my reflexion was that even if I was feeling like this, sometimes we have to be the rats and save ourselves before the others. I mean... I'm at the age where I need to say Ciao Bye to a lot of things and go on my own.

But I didn't post it, because.. well the text wasn't really as good as I anticipated in my head. Good thing, because how would I have named that one?

Anyways, part of me is ready to condemn her. As I was going to do it here. but now that I am writing.. I see that this quote: ''Like Rats Leaving A Sinking Ship'' isn't necessarily negative.

Part of me felt like it was coming (my sacrosanct intuition I never listen to). But the other part wanted to work on things.

Maybe I would have sink right in with the boat. On this one, I wouldn't have saved myself. Like with some of my other previous girlfriends. By being a ''Rat'' (not necessarily a negative thing like I said), maybe she was saving us from something. Maybe we would have continue to sink, with more and more leaks, trying to hold everything together.

Although I am a bit cold, because I don't know where I stand and if I need to cry, laugh, or be angry or what, the moral is: sometimes it is better to leave before the boat sink completely. Sometimes we have to be rats, and leave first. It isn't necessarily a negative thing to be a rat.







Ps: Breaking up by text isn't nice. Really. A bit insulting.
Pps: I really like the moral I came up with. Really.

You can't write a script in your mind & then force yourself to follow it! You have to let yourself be.

Thanks Boubou for that quote this morning! Was fitting with the mindset I woke up in! And makes me think a lot!

On ne s'est jamais dit Je t'aime ...

Première Impasse de notre couple..

Dans les deux derniers jours, je l'ai écoutée me dire ce qu'elle n'aimait pas de notre couple (et de moi), d'après notre premier (et presque notre deuxième) mois.

En ce moment, je me demande... est-ce qu'on a les mêmes buts? Est-ce que je vais cultivé une relation...qui va finir de toute façon?

Elle ne veut plus d'enfants. Elle dit que je peux en avoir, mais pas reliés à elle.
Si je suis acceptée à l'école loin, elle ne restera pas, parce qu'elle ne sera pas capable de se contrôler.
Elle ne veut pas se marier.

Je me demande.. est-ce que je ne fais que repousser un cœur brisé?

Mon amie était ébahie qu'on ne se soit pas encore dit Je t'aime..
Est-ce qu'il est temps de partir justement avant de dire Je t'aime?

I don't Do Colors

Anyone who knows me knows black is my color of predilection. Really.
Oh, I love black.
See, I love how black alters the dangerous curves of my body.
I love how black fits with everything.
Maybe I love black it is because everyday is a funeral.
Funerals to anything good that could happen to me.


See, too many times, I have said I will wear a certain type of clothes when I will have lost all the weight.
I recognize that the main statement about my clothing is "Whatever".
Yes. Whatever. I just throw on whatever fits me.
But a Whatever clothing statement leads to a Whatever attitude.
Not from me. But from many people engaging in a relationship/friendship with me.

Lately, I just let go of everything weight-related.
I don't botter anymore.
I just.. let it go.
And, as a result, I started to lose weight.
Not a lot, sure. But Still losing.

The crazy thing is... I took the decision to get rid of black.
I realized that, it is not because I am fat, that I can't dress nice.
Or sexy.
Or flambloyant.
Or with colors.
So, I promised myself this: next time I need to buy a piece of clothing, it needs to have colors.
VIBRANT COLORS.

Today, I told my friend that I want to buy leggings for my birthday party.
Her answer: FINALLY!
Yes, I do wear baggy clothes.
I have great difficulties to show my legs.
My big thighs.
My calfs
I feel naked whenever I wear tight pants.

But I took the decisions to try on leggings for my birthday.
I hope I won't feel like crying, or hiding, or whatever. I'm actually scared.

Everybody knows I am a MotherF*cking Monster

Stumbled upon this video this morning. I think I watched it like 5 times, with goosebumps. It is from the Brave New Voices Grand Slam Finals 2013 round 4 in Washington, D.C.

These girls are good and what they say is so true!!
LOVE IT!

Quote On Success

''If you have no critics, you'll likely have no success.''
                        -Malcolm X

"The years teach much which the days never know."
                       -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Love after love

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

Derek Walcott

''You have to love yourself as much as you love everybody else and every little things.'' -Oprah

Giving Out My Number To Miss Stranger

so I skipped class tonight for some reasons. I guess it was a good thing. I was sitting in the library for the second time of the day. And for the second time of the day, I saw this cute girl pass by. And she was cute! And I started texting my friend about it. And the idea came up to give my number. But I'm Mrs Shyness herself! But I managed to work up the nerve and..I went to give my phone number! I could feel my face blushing. My cheeks were burning like Hell! I said to her: look I saw you pass by, and I thought you were cute so..I dont know if you are into these things but euhm..here's my number. at first she was looking at me, not too sure, then she took the number and said thank you. I went back to my seat. After a while, she came to see me. And then she said: look, I don't want you to think you are not cute or whatever. I'm not into those things, but my sister is a lesbian and I know it takes a lot of courage to say those things!  BUT SHE KEPT THE DAMN PHONE NUMBER! I'm not expecting a call/text back. But it went well for a first time! I'm smiling like a kid right now, just because it went well :)

You are unique

''You may not think that the world needs you, but it does. For you are unique, like no one that has ever been before or will come after.

No one can speak with your voice, say your piece, smile your smile, or shine you light. No one can take your place, for it is yours alone to fill.

If you are not there to shine your light, who knows how many travelers will lose their way as they try to pass by your empty place in the darkness?''